ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
ok first of all what the fuck
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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