Nicole vs. Life
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
