last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Pants are for mortals
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
