what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize