I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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