No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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