you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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