i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
