My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
