thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
