Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
