oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
