no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
