As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
