:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
