he wants to bone in the snuggie
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
