dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
