I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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