My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize