just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
