1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
