I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
