I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
