I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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