I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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