1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
