Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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