and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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