You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
