I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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