I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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