Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Found your dick twin last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
