i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
