the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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