Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How naked do you want me to be?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
