we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
