3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize