I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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