Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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