the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize