Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
