1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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