you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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