dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
