Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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