I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think people are normalizing furries
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
