D3 body, D1 cock
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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