Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
