do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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