$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
