Taylor Swift is so right about you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
