Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
