He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
