Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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