she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
