just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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