just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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