using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
