new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
