My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize