I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
