We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize