Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
