$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
