Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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