I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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