Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
