Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
