Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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