well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i already hear my dad disowning me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
