I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
