I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize