If i come over, it means nothing
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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