Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
