No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sarcasm needs its own font
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
