I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
