it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
