i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
