he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
