So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
