Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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