I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
