oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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