I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
