I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
