so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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