I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
