Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
