Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
