Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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