Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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