Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
