I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
