Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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