just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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