Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
