At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
