Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
