so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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