I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
