what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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