JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
