It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize