Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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