don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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