Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
