Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
